"Friends, generals, dreamers of war — lend me your ears, your eyes, and, if you’ve got them, your wallets! I am Toby Kirby — toad, titan, creator, god — and today, I stand before you with the greatest gift ever bestowed upon mortal hands: Warhammer! Not a mere game, oh no, but a living universe carved from my boundless imagination and forged in the halls of the mighty Chemical Citadel.

Some may whisper that I am merely Tom Kirby in disguise — a scandalous rumour, yet one I do not deny. For whether in the guise of man or amphibian, my vision is eternal. I have taken the pondweed of idle leisure and transformed it into the forests of epic battles. I have plucked the humble lily pad and reshaped it into the tabletop of destiny. And upon that table, I have unleashed beasts and warriors of every realm — War Animals, proud and fierce, to fight for glory eternal.

Do not think you are buying miniatures. You are recruiting legions! Each figure is a soldier in my divine war of imagination. Each die you roll is a decree of fate. Every battle fought across your dining room table is part of my grand design! Chemical Citadel is not a company — it is a cathedral, and in it I am both its architect and its god.

So paint, my children! Wage war! Forge empires in your living rooms! For you do not merely play Warhammer — you live it. And in living it, you live in the world I created. And as long as the dice roll and the armies march, you will know the truth: Toby Kirby made this, and Toby Kirby made you a general!"